


From The Black and Hopeless Feeling

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy, Frank Iero and the Patience, My Chemical Romance, motion city soundtrack
Genre: M/M, Will Add More Later, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 17:23:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15999872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The table was covered in sharpie drawings and stickers, they seemed to be moving, forming some dance scene.





	From The Black and Hopeless Feeling

Gerard was in some little off the road diner, a family eating out event. He toyed with the black dyed ends of his hair, it just pushed over the edge of his vision, revealing their damaged ends right in his face. There were words written backwards on the sides of his fingers. Eivl Evivrus Gnis Ylf or livE survivE sinG flY, on his right hand pointer to pinky finger. Stupid cheesy reminders to keep going on and living. There was two interlaced H’s on his thumb for High Hopes, you do have to keep aiming for the stars. Really cheesy, that's why it was backwards or initials so only he could make out its meaning. An ugly fluorescent light-bulb was buzzing on the ceiling, slightly annoying, but ignorable. He planned to order a Oreo milkshake, because treating yourself is important. And if he didn’t finish Mikey would gladly take the rest. But the stupid light-bulb was getting on his nerves, maybe not so ignorable. Gerard tapped Mikey and pointed at the light-bulb then shook his head and hands to try and silently communicate the bothersomeness of the sound. Mikey gave him a confused eyebrow raise,communication fail, he waved Mikey off, wasn’t important. He wasn’t going to be bothered with actually speaking. The damn light was ringing, ringing, and ringing. It wouldn’t stop. It thrummed faster and faster, even more high pitched, Gerard wanted to punch the damn light out to stop it from giving him a headache. The waitress came over and muttered some gibberish, probably didn’t want to be here either. Gerard definitely preferred sketching in the peaceful isolation of his rom. His eyes couldn’t focus on her face as he gave his order, he was probably dehydrated. Still didn’t bother to drink the water though. 

The table was covered in sharpie drawings and stickers, they seemed to be moving, forming some dance scene. It was pretty entertaining actually. But then they started to move faster and faster. The table began spinning in circles, the things on the table peeling themselves away from their laminated wood containment. He jumped off of the bright red torn up seat. Mikey gave Gerard another questioning look, somehow completely failing to notice the table. Gerard tried to say, _look at the table_ , but his vocal cords had shut off as if encased in cement, no sound. What the actual hell. Instead he desperately pointed at the raging table. Looking around he noticed all the tables were spinning with their little monsters on them. They were all walking towards him. All the danger signs were going off his mind. Mikey seemed far away, still ignorant of the chaos. Heart on overtime and palms covered in a nervous sweat, Gerard backed to the door, trying to yell at his family to follow him, but their expressions were all morphed and changed. They weren’t his family at all, some empty shell with their features. His was a lone rabbit surrounded by wolves. The buzzing morphed into the sound of claws against tile. People began to surround him in a threatening circle. They were monsters as well, the creatures from the tables perched on their shoulders clearly their allies. He was being overwhelmed with threatening faces, angry buzzing and screams. No people here, werewolves circling him, he was their prey. They were probably the people who took the life out of his family, maybe something in the water. There was a glass cup filled with the poison water on a table next to him. With all his forced, Gerard threw it at the feet of the monsters. They jumped aside as the screams got even louder. He ran out the door, running to somewhere he didn’t know, and he didn’t care.If he stopped running the monsters would catch up. They began to use his name against him, trying to get him to turn around in response. Mikeys voice rang clear shouting his name. Tears filled Gerards eyes at the thought of leaving even leaving the shell version of his little brother. But he wouldn’t turn, just run down cracked sidewalks and highway sides leaving the danger and sorrow filled cries of his family. 

Through the light of the setting sun, side stitch stabbed at his gut, pulling his gut together. He ignored it and kept running and running. He passed the blazing light of cars on the road staring at the ground in-front of him. After who knows how long his legs gave out trembling. He found his face in the mud. Looking around he couldn’t see the monsters, or anywhere he could recognize in the pale moonlight. But he walked. Inevitably his pace slowed with the passage of time. The sun had long since set. Gerard was out somewhere, he threw his hood over his head and laid down against a tree. The sound of grasshoppers could be his friends. It seemed like a safe place to be in the comforting breeze of the wind. Soft grass in his fingertips and the dimly reflected sunlight from the crescent moon giving the land an unearthly glow. An owl hooted from somewhere above. The owl would protect him with the wits and strength of Athena. Sleep over-took him. 

 

The sound of sirens popped his peaceful sleep bubble. Gerard looked around, really disoriented. What the hell was he doing sleeping in someone's front yard in the middle of the night. Then the police car stopped in front of him. Gerard sleepily tried to push himself to his feet, but failed miserably falling back to the grass. His legs were so sore. Then the events from dinner crashed onto his conscious. The officer hauled him to his feet and threw him in the back seat. By the time Gerard processed he had been throw into a police car the door was already slammed shut in his face. Things were still unfolding and he couldn’t find the will to speak. Why the heck had he thought there were monsters chasing. The table monsters were still firmly planted in his mind, it _had_ happened, but it couldn’t have. His mind was a confused stew, oh Brain Stew, Green Day, sinG. He looked down at his hand. HH high hopes. Things would be fine, he just had to sort it out. 

“You ran really far there Gerard, join the school track team or something.”, the police officer said.

“Huh?”

“You ran 10 miles out from that diner.”

“What?”. Hell he wasn’t that athletic, but it definitely would explain why his legs were dead pieces of meat. 

The officer noticed that the kid was why too disoriented to properly respond to a question, and gave up his attempts at small talk. He wondered what had snapped in the high-schooler to make him sprint off like that. Problems at home were a possibility, but then he would have left at night at home and done a much better job at hiding. The officials told him it was mental illness, but the kid didn’t have detachment murders had. Well he wasn’t a murder the officer supposed. The officer looked at the kids description.

 **Name-** Gerard Arthur Way  
 **Age-** 16  
 **Sex-** Male  
 **Description-** Black hair to below the ear with long bangs, hazel eyes, full eyebrows, 5’9”, pale skin, wearing jeans and a black hoodie. 

This was the right kid. Gerard was looking out the window. The officer wondered what was going on in his head. 

The car pulled into the police station. Gerard saw his mom red eyed holding onto Mikey who had his head buried in her jacket. Poor little guy was only 12, he didn’t deserve to have an older brother that ran off because he thought monsters were chasing him. Gerard knew something was a bit different with his head, but it didn’t seem that significant. At 15 he suddenly became socially anxious, too scared to say a word and scared of peoples eyes judging things he knew they weren’t. Thoughts of irrational catastrophes occurring left and right. That seemed slightly normal, the world was dangerous. He had his times in the deep black waves of depression. He could handle it. One things that was noticably strange was his fear of shadows. He would see people walking around him that weren’t there, shadow people. At night the corners of his room were hells gates, unleashing terrors that he had an absolute conviction wanted to murder him. Each night the terrible feeling of inevitable death that seemed only moments away. But it became normal, each night lay in bed and feel, _know_ he is going to die that night. But it never happened, yet someday it will. 

The police car doors unlocked with a small click. He couldn’t open the door from the inside of course, that would be the most useless criminal defense ever. The officer lead him over to his family. Mikey looked up, a hopeless expression turned wild with love. His mother looked like she would cry of joy now. His father, he gave Gerard a grim unwelcoming smile. Quickly Gerard was attacked with a bear hug from Mikey. 

“Geegeegeegee. You’re here.”

“I’ll always return don’t you worry.”. Mikey looked up at him. His smile was the purest thing on the planet. 

“Of course you will.” Mikey replies. Then suddenly released his death grip, becoming conscious of the people watching. The onlookers gave a Mikey an encouraging smile, so Mikey faced his older brother to hug him again. Mikey had always been an extremely shy kid, so Gerard was a best friend to him that had always been around. To lose that consistent love and support in his life so suddenly, it gave Mikey an even better understanding of how much he loved his brother. 

With his back to the observing people, the onlookers exchanged nervous glances with each other only Gerard saw. They were nervous about him. The knowledge knocked the air out of him. There were _police_ trying to find a kid gone crazy. People didn’t know what he was going to do are what he was capable of. Gerard himself didn’t know. Gerard withdrew the hug a bit too hastily, and patted Mikey on the back as they walked with their parents into the actual station instead of the front entrance. If he didn’t know what he was capable of how could he know what he would do. It was clear that he lost all control completely and utterly. What if it happened around Mikey? Gerard would never forgive himself if he injured his little brother. Gerard wanted to be his protector and guild. A friend and someone to trust. Not the person to hide from. Then the black plague surged through his head. The best what to keep everyone safe was to have Gerard unable to move. Best way to do that was die. It could be so simple. The answer was simple, came to mind just like sand to the shore. Reason to leave the world swarmed every corner of his mind. It was statistically better for him to die, if there was a mass killing suicide spree of people to lower the population he could be the positive force in it. His removal could give room for a better more bright life to shine. The dark tunnel was an abyss, every thought that reached out with a curling black tendril summoned more of its kind to bring upon his downfall. But then again, if he died it would leave his family alone without him. The thought was a desperate string of hope. A thin rope to cling to as he faced the chasm without safety rails. 

“Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Way.”, spoke a slightly overweight balding man from across the desk. The four of them had entered an office room while Gerard was lost in thought. Lost in thought about being lost in his mind, how counterproductive. “I’m Dr. Moore, here to talk with you guys about this situation.”. Dr. Moore threw on a smile that looked right out of a cereal box. Big, shiny, and photoshopped. “I would appreciate if the children were to go outside for this conversation.”. Gerards mom, Donna threw the children a faint hearted smile, “You two can hangout in the seating area.”. Gerards father, Donald gave them a glare before giving his stare back to the unrealistically happy man facing them. The two headed out into the battered sitting area. They both stared at their feet, thinking but not saying the idea that ran through both their heads. 

“Mom said,”, Mikey stared quietly, shifting his foot around. “That they would send you away to somewhere else, a mental asylum or something.”

“Mental asylums aren’t around anymore.”, Gerard answered. Relief rolled off Mikey’s shoulders. “Well, they aren’t like ones in horror films, they’re called mental hospitals or psychiatric wards. They say they help people get over their issues and stuff.”.

“Oh.”, Mikey replied tension returning. “Mom started to ask me, if you did anything strange while they were at work. I didn’t want to lie and get caught straight in her face so said sorta and nothing else.”. With their parents always out at work, they never really saw Gerards downward spiral. His lack of socializing, even with his best friend Ray. The irrational thoughts that never seemed that important, always manageable. 

“She is really worried.”, hell, Mikey looked really worried. It plagued his eyes and posture creeping into every move he made. There was a cry and shout from the closed office door. That was never good. They both shuffled around nervously waiting for the inevitable answers to come. Even if its the truth you want, the hurt it can cause will make you reconsider your thoughts. Then the pompous man walked out of the office wearing a grandiose, depraved smile. 

“Welcome, Gerard to Moores Mental Asylum. Don’t worry, we will help make sure things like this and other problems are taken care of.”, Dr. Moore said with a fake ass grin. “It's out of the state out in the country. A place filled with nirvana to calm the mind along with the therapy and medication.”. His mother gave Gerard a smile that couldn’t penetrate the deep worry and sadness in her eyes, his father gave him the same stone cold glare, but there was a deep rolling worry that ran through his stomach. Everything was screaming that this wasn’t right throwing his mind and stomach out into a seastorm on a sailboat. “Pack your stuff, we leave tomorrow morning.”.


End file.
